postulation:

iwilleatyourenglish:

iwilleatyourenglish:

once my baby was being really annoying so i put it in the basement but then i forgot and decided i didn’t want my basement anymore so i got rid of the door and then decided to do the rest later and when child protective services came they couldn’t get to my kid so they just wandered around my house

i’m talking about the sims please don’t call the police

i suspect not too many people refer to their baby as ‘it.’

(via dirkinmybottom)

See what your followers think of you.

• Black: I would date you.
• Green: I think you’re cute.
• Blue: You are my tumblr crush.
• Grey: I wish you would notice me.
• Purple: I don’t talk to you but I really love your blog.
• Teal: We have a lot in common.
• Yellow: FUCK ME, LET'S FUCK.
• Orange: I don’t like your blog.
• Brown: I don’t like you.
• Pink: I think you are unattractive.
• Red: I hate you with a burning passion.
• White: Marry me.
• ANYONE?? NO OKAY.

ambassador-of-anguish:

shouldertappingghosts:

If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate endings and watch them panic again as they all try to find the last ending.

This is perfect.

(via lady-tyrell)

amporasses:

oh my god hes called stitch because hes what pulls their family together

(via madamemalfoy)

• †: I would date you.
• ∆: I would marry you.
• *: You're cute.
• : You're hot
• ©: I like you.
• ≈: I love you.
• ß: I have a crush on you.
• ^: I want to be your friend.
• Ω: I hate you.
• ◊: I like your blog.
• ∏: I would fuck you.